Reason…
…there is a reason to my irrational, sappy, pathetic, idiocy… now that I have finally said that, let me tell you a little something as to why what I said will come true… It all started when I saw her junior year of high school at this homeroom rep meeting.. once I saw her, I had this feeling like.. “I have to talk to her, because when I do… she’ll be interesting.” Even before I met her I knew she’d be something. and oh boy is she something? I was formally introduced to her in the beginning of senior year when I went to visit some friends at their tennis practice. I found out her name and how old she was and stuff and man, I knew I had to get to know her. So time passed by and we became friends, I got her phone number and started to get to know her. And then getting to know her I grew to like her. And that’s how I met this weakness of mine…
The way I feel towards her cannot be duplicated with anyone else, she is a very special one to me. I don’t believe it’s love quite yet… but it’s close (I think…). I mean… when I see her my heart pounds and I smile, no matter how mad I was before hand. All that goes through my head is (I can’t believe she’s here) and the moment freezes.. when we talk I could forget the world around me, and just talk or listen FOREVER.. her smile is warm and infectious. her voice is distinct, calming and soothing. When she hugs me all I can’t help but hold on for as long as I can… and her touch is intoxicating, it catches my attention and I can’t help but become weak…
When we’re apart just the smallest thing of mushiness reminds me of her.. a song that even hints at love she crosses my mind.. a movie with some sense of romance and (this is going to be dumb but…) I picture the two of us in the story… I can’t talk to a girl without the thought of her in my mind..
For a while now it seems like there is no escaping the thought of her…
I know I’m a cheese ball, I know I’m a sap (especially after reading this), it’s just that I can’t help but feel this way… You can’t help what the heart wants… but I should still remember… that if it was meant to happen, it will happen. Won’t this ride be fun?
Realized…
… that I’m an irrational, sappy, pathetic, idiot because there is this one girl I like SO much that I’ll chase her, and chase her, and CHASE HER. I had to wait for her to finish high school back in ‘08, and now she tells me she can’t balance school and a serious relationship. I don’t want to wait.. but she complicates things because she can SOMEHOW find her way back into the picture. Right now, in my METAPHORIC heart I feel like she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met (I’m still young), and that I just might wait for her to be ready.
I’m irrational because I might wait for a girl who probably won’t be with me after college or EVER.
I’m sappy because when telling her how i felt (sappy), I’ve used phrases like “my heart always finds its way back to you.” and “my heart won’t be mine to give.”
I’m pathetic because I keep chasing her…
AND I’m an idiot because.. I still know this, but I can’t do anything about it. I’ll probably still wait for her, and not give any other girl a fighting chance…
fuck my life and won’t someone please steal my heart from San Diego?
my third. but not my last.
The thought has crossed my mind… and maybe it’s true. maybe i was in love once. who knows…?
the second, but not a sequel..
so today was fun. ditched church to hangout with rex. got left 4 dead 2 for $16.07 because i traded halo 3, gta4, left 4 dead, rainbow six vegas, and nba 2k7 PLUS a refurbish charge of 4 dollars. played it. LOVED IT. mom yelled at me in front of rex and baby cousin, NOT down… it was just over cleaning some tables… not a big deal. not being used except for decoration (POINTLESS.)
It just hit me. I’m a selfish person. but is it wrong? i mean… considering that in the end NO relationship lasts forever, family dies before you or you die before they do. friends get there own lives but try to stay in yours somewhat, and then same conclusion, if it lasts that long. In the end it’s just you and the world you’ll leave behind… right?
The First.
My friends told me to get a tumblr, and here I am, just to satisfy my two or three friends endorsing this site. :]
For my first post I will talk about the first thing that comes to mind. hmm… I KNOW! :D haha!
So lately I’ve really been DISLIKING when people say that they MISS ME. I’ve been hearing that by some people and each time it just tastes worse and worse in my mouth… :[ I believe it all started after the M-KIA incident. It was a Friday afternoon and I was texting a girl who and asked if she was coming back into town to celebrate her birthday with her family and or friends. She responded yes and that I should go to this party that we were both invited to. I was iffy in the beginning and she said that I should go because she MISSES me.. so being a sucker for this girl I went, we were at the party and subtly flirted. Feelings started coming back and questions were being asked from my head to my heart.. :/ as most of my close friends know, this is quite annoying how often this has happened.. and then we talked for a bit and she eventually, like always, stopped talking to me, after she had gotten my attention.
So I did the smart thing and of course moved on, and then the next person who “misses” me, let’s call her Davey, she is another girl who i’ve been weak for multiple times, and after months of not talking, she finally texts me back and tells me that she misses me after saying a few nice things to me to get my attention, being bitter and learning from my mistake of believing that little statement before, I came up with this nice little thing to say to myself to keep me from getting captured in the sentimentality of the phrase “I miss you.” And thanks to this nice thing I have found myself grounded and safe, and also content. :] I know it sounds pessimistic, but it’s safe, and a sucker like me can’t get caught by those feelings again.
I’m sorry everyone, but don’t tell me you miss me, you have to show you did.. I know. I know. that’s a weird thing to request, but… Words can be empty…
“If you really miss me, you would have been around earlier…”
Don’t be sad, being defensive isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a wall. :]
